My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
