Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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