check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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