That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
