well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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