just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize