sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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