what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize