Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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