i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
