he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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