Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
