last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize