You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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