If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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