I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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