That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
