Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i love accidental penises.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
