and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize