so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
