R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
