Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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