My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
