things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
