If that was your dad, he is hot
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
