i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
