funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize