theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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