Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
