If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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