I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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