Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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