Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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