At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
