Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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