2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
