please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
