Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
