he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
