what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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