He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He better not be in your backpack
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
