New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
