Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize