1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
