Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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