I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
