That's intense
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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