he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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