You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He shit in the fireplace
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
