She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize