Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The air was thick with penises
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
