I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
