I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
