its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
