Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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