**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
