Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
