It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
