they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
