There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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