Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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