:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
