I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize