woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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