I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
