the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
